Wizards losing streak: 25 to life?

It sucks to be Chick Hernandez’s barber these days. The Comcast SportsNet anchor has promised to not cut his hair until the Wizards get a road win. Now Mike Wise has jumped on the bandwagon by making a similar promise to grow out his beard until the ‘Zards can notch a win away from the Phone Booth.

This season was supposed to be one of some real promise, not silly promises.

The state of our basketball team is nothing but a running joke. Humor to manage melancholy. In my line of work we call this a defense mechanism.  No basketball puns intended.

Twenty-five straight road losses.

I caught some of Steve Czaban’s take yesterday on ESPN 980. His theory: that it is “human nature”. He surmises that some of the knuckleheads don’t want to look like a bunch of doofuses in front of friends and family.  Therefore they play “seven percent“ better at home to avoid embarrassment.

Classy Jay Glassie has a more reasoned explanation. He sees the issues as both conditioning and fundamentals. If Dray wasn’t spending more time at ‘da club than in the weight room then the team might have enough stamina to make a concerted effort down the stretch. Remember the Oklahoma City game? All you have to do is make the Wizards keep running and eventually they’ll run out of gas.

Look at Andray! Easier said than done. Thanks to Mojo Hoops.

The Wiz remind me of those new plug-in electric hybrids featured at the Washington Auto Show. Flashy, intriguing, and will give you a decent effort for a few miles. Unfortunately, their batteries aren’t big enough to go the distance.

It is true that the Wizards can be fun to watch.  Just a week and a half ago they beat the worldly Celtics. A few days before that they beat the veteran Jazz. Sure, the John Wall novelty has worn off for the casual fans but high-flying JaVale McGee and the combustible Nick Young are entertaining for the more devoted followers.  However, the NBA is won in the last quarter and this crew has minimal oomph down the stretch.

My rationalization — As a younger fan I can sacrifice the present for the future. We’re on pace for another lottery pick. If statistics are any practical measure then there is no need to watch the games west of the Mississippi, all of which have late start times. My sleep schedule is safe. Trevor Booker is no longer wreaking havoc on the boards against the Terps. Shoot, we’re only like seven games out of the playoff hunt.

My theory — After reading and viewing the related pictures from Michael Lee’s piece on John Wall’s maturation process I think it’s a simple problem of sustenance for our star.

Dog, Banquet brand Chicken Pot Pies? Those things are like 88 cents. You’re making millions. Step your game up to the Hungry Man frozen meals and I promise a road win in Cleveland.  At this point, any explanation is as good as another.

Now, devoted DC Cranktank followers, I ask you; what are you willing to do until the Washington Wizards get a road win?

I warn you to proceed with caution.

B-Money note: For those that think the Wizards are bad, I give you the Cavaliers, who are one game away from a 23rd-straight loss, which would tie the NBA record. If the Cavs happen to win on Friday, expect the loser spotlight to come right back to the Wizards, fairly or unfairly.

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