The sordid search for monkeyrotica

Sometime in the past few days, DC Crank Tank got its 1000th visitor. Please don’t do the math on what that makes our daily traffic. Let’s just celebrate and move on to the next paragraph

It is still meaningful milestone for me. The bulk of our traffic is likely friends and family, but some people have stumbled onto the Crank Tank, like a gelled-up preppy into in Adams Morgan. And I hope they come back, whenever Millie & Al’s (DCist) is too crowded.

But one thing is missing, besides steady contributions from my contributors.

His name: monkeyrotica.

His skills: Often bathroom-related ridiculous humor and an insider’s view of the seedy Washington, spelled out on D.C. blog comments at an incredible rate of output.

Why I want him to comment on DC Crank Tank: See entry, “His skills.”

The lack of visits from monkeyrotica, in addition to 3858585 other reasons, is how I know I haven’t hit the big time. The man cranks out comments, sometimes filthy but almost never personal attacks, usually on actually popular blogs like DCist, Greater Greater Washington and Prince of Petworth.

A typical comment from my man, on Ryan Avent’s blog :

Can we rezone this blog for denser mixed-use development? Because I think you’ve got WAY too much white space where porn should be.

On the subject of TangySweet in Penn Quarter:

Any news on the JuicySweet shop around the corner? They’re supposed to serve whole fish hand-bashed on a rock, courtesy your host Gollum. I could do without the singing, though.

No, this blog’s goal isn’t to attract eyeballs or hilarious commenters. But monkeyrotica is that one commenter who can do both. He’s an asset. Readers want to read him, commenters want to be him. And DC Crank Tank will keep working tirelessly until we get him.

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4 Responses to The sordid search for monkeyrotica

  1. denistheruski says:

    i really wonder what monkeyerotica does for a living. his comments are so frequent that i wonder if he’s getting paid by these blogs.

  2. Pingback: D.C.’s all-star commenter crushes the opposition | DC Crank Tank

  3. Actually, I’m just a random quip generating spam bot.

  4. Pingback: Apologies | DC Crank Tank

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